Hush, little Sherlock
by Arty Diane
Summary: "I can't sleep!"John rubbed at his eyes in exasperation, "What do you want us to do, Sherlock? Do you want me to sing you a lullaby?""Would it work?" Sherlock asked"That's what they are designed to do after all""Alright then, sing away!" Sherlock, John, Lestrade, and Anderson have to spend the night in a dorm room Can they manage to get along and go to sleep already?
1. Hush little Sherlock don't say a word

**The muse gave in to this plot bunny that just wouldn't leave us alone! This story was inspired by my own experience of dorm life and a particular incident of dealing with an insomniac roommate. **

**The italicized lines are when the characters are singing.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own the characters of Sherlock, I just like to include them in my own misery! Mohahaha! **

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Sherlock rolled on his back and let out a deep sigh. "John, this mattress is uncomfortable."

"I know Sherlock." John's weary voice came from the other bed.

"How can I sleep on this poor excuse of a bed?" Sherlock complained.

"Just close your eyes and go to sleep Sherlock." Lestrade's voice drifted down to them.

They were in a dorm room in a remote city. The case they had been working on had been concluded in a rather late hour. Going back to London was not a convenient option, therefore the dean of the college had provided them rooms in the student dormitory for that night. It was easily arranged, since the students had vacated the dorms for summer holidays.

The room they were in had three metal bunk beds that were place in an L shaped arraignment. Sherlock had taken the lower bed facing the door. John was on the bed that made a right angle with Sherlock's bed. Lestrade had taken the bed above John. The fourth occupant of the room was sound asleep on the last lower bunk, that was aligned with John and Lestrade's bunk

Sherlock threw his covers off of himself and sat up in his bunk. John exhaled heavily and sat up in his bunk and looked over to Sherlock. "Sherlock, it's been a long-"

"I can't sleep John, the adrenalin in my system won't let me."

Lestrade's head appeared above them, "How did you sleep when you were at home?"

John and Sherlock paused and thought for a moment, trying to recall their routine after they finished a case.

"Well," John began, "We usually go over the details of the case while we're in the cab on our way back home."

"Then John makes tea and we watch a bit of telle until the case's exhaustion settles in." Sherlock finished.

"Well, there's no TV here in this dorm room." Lestrade pointed out.

"It is a rather dismal dorm room." John commented.

"What kind of a sadist would make six people live together in the same room?" Sherlock asked agitated. It was the closest form of sympathy he'd show in 'public'.

"This particular establishment, it seems." John answered him in a dry tone, "Which brings me to this question Greg: why did you choose one of the top bunks? There was another lower bunk available."

"I don't know. People seem to always want the top bunk in TV shows."

Sherlock furrowed his brows in confusion, "They do?"

"They were shows about prisons, weren't they?" John asked knowingly.

Greg sat back and thought for a moment, then he looked sheepish, "Oh, yeah…"

"It's not too late Lestrade," Sherlock said with a mischievous grin, "You can wake up Anderson here and send him up!"

"Actually Sherlock, it is too late." John replied. He smirked at seeing Sherlock's questioning glance, "I sedated him so he won't annoy us!" he said proudly.

"And here I was wondering at how he didn't wake up at our talking." Lestrade mused. "Hey, can you sedate Sherlock too?" He asked teasingly.

Sherlock looked at John with a pout. John chuckled at Sherlock's expression, "No, I'm not. He's my friend." Sherlock relaxed at that. "I'll use more conventional methods before going to that extreme!" John finished gleefully. He then dodged the pillow aimed at his head.

"Now I'm not feeling sleepy either." Greg complained.

"I have a question Lestrade," Sherlock leaned over his bed to look at Lestrade, "How heavy of a sleeper are you?"

"Why do you ask?" Lestrade was puzzled for a moment, then realization dawned on him, "Do you snore?"

"No, I don't. But John does."

"I do?" John asked perplexed.

"No one has told you that you snore?" Lestrade asked astonished, then he thought of something and looked at Sherlock's direction, "By the way, how do _you_ know he snores?"

Sherlock scoffed, "He tends to doze off while he's sitting at the lab or in his armchair when a case drags on more than two days. Plus, I sometime wake him up in his room when a lead presents itself early in the morning." Sherlock explained.

Lestrade leaned over his bunk and began to snigger. John twisted out of his bed and turned his head to look up at him. "What's so funny Greg?"

"You're just-" He gasped for breath "-so lucky Anderson is out of it, or you'd- never hear the end of it if he had heard this snoring discussion." And he continued to laugh.

"It's not that bad, his snoring is considered light, compared to some noises I've heard." Sherlock said defensively.

"No, that wouldn't have- oh never mind." Lestrade sighed, then turned to John, "If it's a soft snoring it's fine, my ex used to make sounds rivaling a Hoover!" he said with a grin.

"Glad that problem is out of the way." Sherlock drawled, "I still can't sleep."

John sat up in his bed and rubbed at his eyes in exasperation, "What do you want us to do, Sherlock? Do you want me to sing you a lullaby?"

"Would it work?" Sherlock asked.

"That's what they are designed to do after all." John replied.

"Alright then, sing away!" Sherlock said, and settled down under his covers.

John was taken aback, then he pulled himself together. He sat cross legged on his bunk and faced Sherlock's direction. He cleared his throat and began:

"_Twinkle, twinkle, little star_

_How I wonder what you are_

_Up above the_- What? Why are you glaring at me like that, Sherlock?"

"_How I wonder what you are_? Are you mocking me John? I thought you wanted to help me-"

"It's just a lullaby Sherlock, I didn't mean to offend you by-"

"For goodness sake! Just sing something else." Greg cut them both off.

Sherlock settled under his covers. John shot him a mild glare. He thought for a few moments. A mischievous smile came to his lips and he started again:

"_Hush, little Sherlock, don't say a word,_

_John is gonna buy you a mocking bird,_

_And if that mockingbird won't sing,_

_John is_-"

"Woaw mate, I don't think you want to continue that line of though!" Greg said alarmed.

"What's wrong with an iron ring?" John asked him confused.

"A…what?" Greg asked baffled.

"An iron ring, it's an item of lab equipment," Sherlock said testily, "My eyes were just getting warm." He grumbled.

Lestrade blushed, "I'm so sorry." He said guiltily.

"Do you know any other lullabies John? Since Lestrade here has a problem with that one." Sherlock said, his voice muffled by his pillow.

"Yeah, this is the last English one I know. Alright now, settle down,

_A gentle breeze from Hushabye Mountain_

_Softly blows o'er Lullaby Bay_

_It Fills the sails of boats that are waiting_

_Waiting to sail your worries away_"

Sherlock closed his eyes and snuggled lower in his covers.

John continued:

"_It isn't far to Hushabye Mountain_

_And your boat waits down by the_-"

John was rudely cut off by a terribly loud noise. Everyone started at hearing the awful noise that was a mix of a drill and a donkey's braying. Greg's head appeared above them. They looked at each other then all three turned to the source of the sound.

Anderson was lying on his back; his mouth hanging slightly and he was snoring like there was no tomorrow. The other occupants of the room looked at him with astonishment.

"I thought only the elderly and very overweight people snored like that." Greg said in a stunned tone.

"Didn't you say you sedated him John?" Sherlock asked, while glaring at Anderson.

"I slipped a sleeping pill in his drink, I didn't make him unconscious." John said evenly. "Maybe he has a respiratory problem, might be a polyp or something." he mused. "A full examination is needed to determine the exact cause."

"That explains his annoying nasal voice." Sherlock said with a smirk.

"For the love of all that is holly! Can you stop that god-awful noise?" Greg pleaded.

"What do you want me to do?" John asked agitated.

"Put a pillow on his face." Sherlock said sniggering.

"Sherlock! That is not-"

"Geez, no wonder his wife keeps going on these long business trips. Sally must be a _really_ heavy sleeper to not be awoken by that racket!" Greg whined while clutching his ears with his hands.

"Wait," John said with his right hand raised in a gesture that reinforced his demand. Then his brows unfurrowed after a moment and his face brightened, "I think I found out how to shut him up!" He then rose from his bunk and moved towards Anderson's prone body.

"What are you going to do, John?" Greg asked with a little apprehension in his voice.

"I'm going to press his mute button of course." John said nonchalantly.

John put a pillow on Anderson's right. He then put his hands under Anderson's left side and gently rolled him on his right, so that he was supported by the pillow. Anderson shifted a bit, then he settled on his side and went silent.

"How the devil did you know to do that?" Greg asked astonished.

"By the information you gave me when you were whining." John answered him calmly. He continued when he saw Greg's confusion, "He has drifted apart from his wife, meaning at night they sleep with a distance from each other. Just now we witnessed that Anderson's preferred sleeping position is lying on his back, which results in that nasty snore."

"I wish I had recorded that, I didn't think making that sound was humanly possible." Sherlock said with a hint of glee in his voice.

"Oh, that can be managed." John said casually while turning to go back towards Anderson.

"No!" came the simultaneous reply of Sherlock and Lestrade.

John turned back to face them, trying to suppress a smile. Greg cleared his throat, "Okay, we now know he snores his wife away, how did you know how to stop the snoring?"

"We know he has an affair with Sally, right?" John prompted. Both Lestrade and Sherlock nodded. "Well, I know for a fact that Sally is not a very heavy sleeper. She was complaining to one of her colleagues at a crime scene once that she couldn't sleep well the previous night because of the noise the construction made in her street all night long. But she never suffers from lack of sleep after spending the night with Anderson, meaning Anderson doesn't snore when he sleeps besides her. They're having an affair, so he must be sleeping on his side when he's with her. Sleeping on his side, no snoring, child's play." John finished with a shrug.

"Brilliant deduction John!" Sherlock said with a half-smile.

John beamed at him. Greg managed to collect his jaw from the ground and said, "You're scary!" in a mix between awe and alarm. John made a small bow in his direction and said with a grin, "Why thank you Greg!"

Sherlock snorted at his friend's theatrics, then he lay down on his bed again. The room fell silent. Sherlock sighed, "I still can't go to sleep."

John had just finished fluffing his pillow and was still sitting on his bed. He rolled his eyes and got up. He then went and sat at the edge of Sherlock's bed. Sherlock furrowed his brows and looked at him sideways. John leaned a little towards him and said, "I'm going to try my last resort in helping you go to sleep." He placed his hand on Sherlock's shoulder and started to gently and rapidly pat him while making a gentle shushing sound.

Greg looked on from his perch with interest, "Don't you think he's too old for that technique?"

"A few decades too old, yes." John answered briskly and continued making his shushing sound.

Sherlock lay in his bed stunned for a minute, then he started shaking with laughter, "This-isn't working-John!" and he continued giggling.

John started laughing too, "Well, I'm-out of ideas!"

Greg suppressed his giggles and cleared his throat, "Okay John, go lie down, I think I have an idea." After he made sure both Baker Street Boys were settled, he said, "I have a few pdf books on my phone, I'll choose one and read it to you. Alright, let me see, The Hobbit, Lord of the Rings, Emma, Paradise Lost-"

"You have an odd reading list, Lestrade." Sherlock mumbled.

Lestrade continued in his leisurely pace, ignoring the interruption, "Pride and Prejudice, The Three Musketeers, Harry Potter series, Gulliver's Travels, Peter Pan, Alice's Adventures in Wonderland, War and Peace, David Copperfield-"

A gentle snoring caught his ear. He looked down to see both John and Sherlock had drifted to sleep. He smirked and closed the single file containing the list of books on his phone.

After lying in his bed for about twenty minutes playing on his phone, a sound caught Lestrade's attention. He leaned over to look at his consultants again and concentrated on the snoring. He lied down on his bed again and smirked. He couldn't wait to be the first to inform the great Sherlock Holmes that he mumbled in his sleep!

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**Yes, I tried John's last technique and failed miserably. No, I didn't have a roommate who made Anderson's snores, but she did snore rather loudly. And now I can sleep through a soft snoring sound, yeay!**

**And yes, I used to live in a dorm room with five other room-mates. What can I say, that's dorm life!**

**How did you like this fic? Does anyone want to know how John's improvised lullaby goes?**


	2. John is gonna buy you a mocking bird

**So, here is a companion piece to the last chapter. It takes place some time after the last chapter. John finally gets the chance to sing his improvised lullaby for Sherlock!**

**The italicized lines are John singing.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own the characters of Sherlock, I just like to mess with their sleep cycles!**

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Sherlock kept pacing in front of the fire place. His hair was disheveled and he had dark circles under his eyes. His blue robe flicked as he made a sharp turn and walked to the kitchen.

It had been a long and exhausting case, dragging on for over three days. John had begun dozing off all over the place whenever there was a lull in the frantic activity sometime after the forty-second hour. Sherlock was made of sterner stuff; he became irritable after the fifty-third hour. John had made a drowsy comment about Sherlock getting cranky because of missing his afternoon nap.

Sherlock snorted in amusement at that memory. He stood in the middle of the kitchen at a loss for what to do next. He was too agitated to sleep, yet was too tired to focus on an experiment. He exhaled in frustration and left the kitchen.

The case had ended in a frantic chase over the rooftops. They were lucky they were still in one piece, what with all those stunts they pulled during their pursuit of their quarry. Sherlock vaguely wondered how John could still like those James Bond movies, when the action sequences he went through were much more exciting, not to mention more plausible, since they were, well, real!

Sherlock stopped in front of the coffee table and eyed John's laptop. He sighed exasperatedly, he didn't even feel like checking his emails, let alone reading an article. According to the laws of physics, he should be dead to the world by now, and he would be if it wasn't for that damn noise!

They were in a cab on their way back to the flat, chattering away happily about the finer details of the case and giggling at recounting moments from the chase. They were relaxed and content. Sherlock estimated their adrenalin high would last long enough for them to reach home, eat their takeaway and get ready for bed. A smile was pulling on the corner of John's lips; he turned towards Sherlock to tell him another one of his favorite parts of the chase when two loud bangs sounded right behind them. They both dove for cover. After a few seconds John started looking Sherlock over, checking for any injuries. Sherlock found himself doing the same. They marginally relaxed after assuring themselves that their friend was not shot. Then the cabby turned to them apologetically to inform them that those were not gunshots, but they were in fact the car backfiring.

It all went downhill from there. The new surge of adrenalin in their system made them alert and agitated at the same time. They lost their appetite and it made Sherlock restless. Curse that cab!

Sherlock had gone back to his pacing when he heard John's footsteps on the stairs. Moments later John stepped in the living room. He spotted Sherlock pacing a hole in the living room floor and headed in the kitchen. Sherlock was broken out of his frantic pacing by a steaming mug being pushed in his hands. He looked up to see John moving toward the sofa. He followed suit and joined his friend on the sofa. Sherlock took a sip of the mug in his hands and frowned. "This is warm milk, John!"

"Yes, it is." Was John's calm reply.

"I thought you made tea."

"No, tea won't help us sleep, Sherlock, but maybe warm milk might."

"Have you added honey to it?"

"Yes, since we couldn't eat a decent meal thanks to that unfortunate cab ride, I thought it best to kill two birds with one stone."

They sipped their warm milk in companionable silence. Sherlock could feel some of the tension leaving his body, but he wasn't relaxed enough to fall asleep yet. He sat on the sofa and fiddled with his empty mug.

"Sherlock, you should go and sleep." John's voice broke Sherlock out of his reverie.

Sherlock sighed, "I can't, John. I feel tired, but I can't relax enough to go to sleep." Then he smirked, "Unless you'd be willing to sing me to sleep."

"Are you asking me to sing you a lullaby?" John asked, a smile pulling at the corner of his lips.

"Sure, because it worked so _perfectly_ the last time you tried it." Sherlock said chuckling.

"Well, in my defense, I was very rudely interrupted _every time_ during my attempts, if I remember correctly." John said with his eyebrows raised.

Sherlock snorted at that reminiscence, "I still wish I had recorded Anderson's snoring. There was a plethora of puns I could make with him being a jackass!"

John gave a short laugh at hearing that, "I still can't get the picture of Greg's panicked face out of my mind!"

"Why did he interrupt you, by the way? I can't figure out anything wrong with an iron ring. He never showed any aversion to lab equipment." Sherlock rambled.

John furrowed his brows, "I guess he didn't notice I had changed the original lullaby. He might have thought I was going to sing the original version for you."

"How did the original version go?"

"'Mama's gonna buy you a diamond ring'."

"What's wrong with a diamond ring? It's going to be harder than and iron ring, though I can't see what use a diamond ring has in a lab."

"Um, Sherlock, a diamond ring is usually associated with proposing."

"Proposing what?"

John didn't know if he wanted to laugh at his friend's confusion or to hit his head against the wall. Sherlock tended to lose all ability of deciphering idioms when he got over tired and there was no need to work on a case. It was as if his brain went on power saving mode. John wasn't fairing much better himself, but at least he had managed to get a few hours of sleep here and there during the case, while Sherlock had gotten none.

John forewent those options and instead stared at Sherlock for a moment, "Right…up you get. I guess it's gotten _way_ past your bedtime." He put a hand under Sherlock's arm and helped him off the sofa and led him to his bedroom.

"What makes you think that, John?" Sherlock said as he sat on his bed.

John decided to humor his fatigued flat-mate. He pushed Sherlock's shoulder so that his head was on his pillow. Then John pulled the covers on Sherlock and said, "Close your eyes Sherlock, and go to sleep."

Sherlock pulled his covers over himself and closed his eyes. John made to get out of the room but Sherlock's voice stopped him, "I can't sleep, John!"

John dropped his head in defeat. He wondered briefly if his mother's prophesy had come true in a weird way and he was stuck with a kid that was just as annoying as he himself was as a child. He took a deep breath and returned to Sherlock's side and crouched down in front of him. Sherlock looked at him miserably.

"Do you want me to tuck you in?"

"No, John, that would make me feel constricted."

"What can I do to help, Sherlock?"

"I never heard your improvised lullaby."

John had not expected that. Well, good thing he had finished altering it in his head, because it seemed now was the time for it to make its full debut! John smiled, "Okay Sherlock, close your eyes."

Sherlock complied. John cleared his throat and began:

"_Hush, little Sherlock, don't say a word,_

_John is gonna buy you a mockingbird_.

,

_And if that mockingbird won't sing,_

_John is gonna buy you an iron ring_.

,

_And if that iron ring turns brass,_

_John is gonna buy you a cylinder glass_.

,

_And if that cylinder glass gets broke,_

_John is gonna buy you a pirate boat_,

,

_And if that prate boat don't sail,_

_John is gonna buy you a nice lab scale_.

,

_And if that lab scale is broken,_

_John is gonna buy you a skull named Oden_.

,

_And if that skull named Oden won't talk,_

_John is gonna get you out of a sulk_."

John looked over at Sherlock and noticed his breathing had evened out. He got up and made for the door and sang the last lines of the lullaby.

_"And if that sulk wouldn't go down,_

_You'll still be the smartest sleuth in town_."

John went to his room and pulled his covers aside and arraigned his pillow. As he sat on his bed the screen of his mobile phone lit up with an incoming text.

-Can you explain why ALL the members of the Baker Street surveillance team have fallen asleep? MH

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**John's lullaby was finally successful to put Sherlock (and some other people!) to sleep. I hope it didn't make you fall asleep as well... ;)**


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